"I'll play with my baby when he can play ball," the new dad says.

That's what Jerry, the husband of 28 year-old Elizabeth, said one afternoon at their first pre-natal visit. "All the baby does is eat and sleep that first year anyway, " Jerry explains.

Jerry is not alone in this view of a newborn. A study by Zero-to-Three asked new parents "at what age do you think babies can 'take in the world?" 61% of parents thought that a baby needed to be two- to three-months-old to notice the world around them.

The real truth is good news for you, Jerry (and for Elizabeth too!). Most babies can "play ball" (and actively engage in the world around them) as the tiniest of newborns. But parents need to notice a baby's special ways of approaching this ball game. (HUG Parent video)

Now, at the young family's first post-natal check-up, Jerry holds his newborn, Joey, and gazes intently into his eyes. I almost have to pry little Joey from his daddy's arms. In addition to the routine physical exam, I always love to take time to help parents appreciate some of the amazing capabilities of their baby.

As I hold Joey in front of me his eyes fix on mine. I slowly tilt my head to the side; Joey's eyes follow. As I move a bit more to the left, his eyes drop from my gaze. I hesitate a moment, and then he engages with me again. I'm not worried when I see his eyes jerk a bit as they move. (It will be a few weeks before they move continuously like grown-up's eyes.) "Wow!" Jerry says. "He can really pay attention!"

Then I pick up my little red ball. Joey stares at the ball differently than when he looked at my face It is normal for many babies to be more interested in a face, initially, than in an object. But I just jiggle the ball a second and Joey's eyes start to follow it as I slowly move it. When Joey starts to wiggle around, and his breathing increases, I recognize an SOS (Sign of Over-Stimulation). I hold his little hands gently against his chest, and his eyes immediately look intently at the ball again. Now he follows its movement from one side to the other.

"Yep! Like I thought," Jerry declares to all. "He's a star ball player already! It's my turn to play ball with him now!"

© HUG Your Baby 2020

Helping "Breastfeeding Dads!"

I admit I was suspicious when I saw that a man was listed as a speaker at the "Art of Breastfeeding" conference. He is not only a Certified Nurse Midwife but also a lactation consultant! And he does it all for the US Army.

Maj. Jarold Johnston was an inspiration as he described his philosophy and the techniques he uses to get dads-to-be to participate fully in the breastfeeding experience. "Sometimes it helps that I'm a soldier. I just tell the dads: 'Moms have a job, babies have a job, and dads have a job too. Get on with it!'" 

Maj. Johnston believes that his job as a breastfeeding expert is to teach dads to be the in-home expert. "Dads have a good vantage point. The new mom is looking down at her breast and the baby, but the dad can see the mom's nipple, the baby's chin, the baby's cheeks from the side, the bottom, or the top - whatever it takes." "Most Army guys are mechanically inclined," he explains. "They like the challenge of figuring out the mechanics of what's working or not."

Mothers love the help. Dads might get good at changing diapers, but a "breastfeeding dad" has more important things to do! "Besides," Major Johnston says, "I tell them the truth - a successful breastfeeding mom resumes sexual activity quicker than do bottle-feeding moms...Yep - even the 82nd Airborne is on board now!"

Moms and Dads are Really Different!

Terry is an energetic, seventeen-year-old dad. He is the quarterback and a senior at the local high school and comes to the office today with his girlfriend, Diane, and Eric, their three-week-old son. 

Terry holds his son like a football then places him enthusiastically on the exam table for his check-up. Diane laughs as Terry starts to poke at his son. First he pokes at his feet, then his knees, then his stomach, then his nose. Eric starts to breathe a bit faster and his feet start to look jerky. His eyes spring wide open, his eye brows rise, and his shoulders go up toward his ears. "I'm ready for you, Dad!" his body seems to say.

Dad steps back from the exam table as Mom reaches over to undress Eric for his exam. As she moves toward the baby, Eric's eyes start to look drowsy and his body relaxes. His movement slows down and his breathing quiets and becomes regular.

Though certainly there are differences in individual parents and babies, Eric demonstrates what research now shows, that dads and moms approach babies differently. Even fathers with childcare experience often approach a baby with big, enthusiastic movements. Their very presence seems to stimulate the newborn, as if to get baby ready for the big world out there.

The more stereotypical mother's approach is quieter, one that seems to calm the baby rather than stimulate him even more.

Babies benefit from both approaches as they grow and learn, suggests psychologist Kyle Pruett. They may learn to regulate their internal stimulation from one parent, and learn to deal with external excitement from another. See Pruett's Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child.http://www.drkylepruett.com/publications.htm

Most mothers and fathers experience some conflict as they struggle to love their baby in the best way they can. It's the lucky baby whose parents approach this struggle with passion and humor as they each become the parents they were meant to be.

"Don't Fumble the Baby!"

Thursday  Roland Warren from the National Fatherhood Initiative shared heart-felt and feet-to-the-ground advice and vision for professionals serving today's young families. "Through Roland's leadership, the [National Fatherhood Initiative] has quickly become the most-quoted authority on fatherhood and the nation's #1 provider of fatherhood resources to communities, schools, prisons, hospitals, businesses, the military, and communities of faith" (Huffington Post).

Like all great speakers, Roland shares personally from his life.  He describes growing up without a father and becoming a child with "a hole in my heart in the shape of a father." With great warmth, humor and insight he tells story after story of the years he spent evolving into the role of an effective dad.

The audience laughs when he described "standing in the corner" awaiting the birth of his child. "And, then someone put the baby is my hands as if I would know what to do next." Next, he offers a story of coming home one snowy day with his wife and baby. After helping his wife to the house, he returned to carry his baby over treacherous terrain to the safety of home. But, with a twinkle in his eye and frequent use of  his refrain, "I'm just saying . . .," Roland describes hitting the black ice and setting sail, baby in his arms, into the air. Time, of course, slowed down at this moment, as his life passed before his eyes. As he headed south toward the hard earth, he heard the wisdom of years of football coaching offering the only fathering skill set he then possessed: "Don't fumble the baby!" -- and he didn't!

Roland was quick to remind an audience of over 800 women that men need a different kind of education than most women want. "Don't tell me how to FEEL about being a dad, just tell me what TO DO!" Many men are accustomed to the teaching style of a good coach. "Hold it here, turn it slowly, watch for a twitch, listen for a change in breathing." Skills -- that's what dads want.

I was delighted to hear Roland's call for skill-building, for this is exactly what HUG Your Baby offers parents. The HUG DVD is rich with images of dads and moms, from numerous cultures, learning to understand the secret language of their newborns --and to gain the skills they need to be successful parents. Dads who are taught The HUG learn techniques for calming a fussy baby, identifying sleep cycles, responding to an over-stimulated newborn, and positioning a baby for interacting and playing. Before long, a dad and his child will be playing ball together. Exposed to HUG coaching, a dad who has succeeded in not "fumbling the baby!" can hang on, and soon score a touchdown as a new parent!